I am officially declaring my self-nomination for the “Best Blog Title Evar” award. It descends upon YOU, gentle reader, to support my drive towards victory. Expect some kind of campaign/propaganda posters in the very near future; since I myself haven’t actually installed Photoshop yet, I’m now looking pointedly at Gerry here. I fully expect something along the lines of this, except maybe replace the word “Hope” with the phrase “Comma Bitches”… and I feel fully justified in being this unreasonably demanding of Gerry within a satirical context. I plan on holding my Presidential Campaign press conferences in a similar manner, as well: “Mr. Coincon, Mr. Coincon, Major Garrett, Fox News; how do you respond to the accusations that (except for ego, apparently) you’re nowhere NEAR qualified to be Leader Of The Free World? And I heard you’re French, too!” “Ah, Mr. Garrett, you raise some excellent points, and as always I admire your candor. In response, I feel that the only effective way to affect effective effects towards cleaning out the corruption-ridden cesspool we call a government is for someone with both thorough NON-experience in government and philosophical/intellectual integrity to man the helm. Start setting a positive course, as it were. The entire reason I hold these press conferences on a DAILY god damn basis is NOT to advance my own agenda, as is the norm for politicians (which, as per your own aforementioned observation, I am definitively NOT)… I subject myself to the rapacious attentions of the Media this frequently so that the American People may instead ask of me whatever questions they desire so that they might evaluate my philosophical/intellectual integrity. I want the American People to get to know ME and have confidence in ME as a person instead of the letter in parentheses to the right of my name… or the lack thereof, in my case. That being said, Mr. Fuckface, I have a small request for YOU… first, take a big step back… and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE! I don’t know what kind of pan-pacific bullshit power play you’re trying to pull here, but Asia, Jack, is my territory. So whatever you’re thinking, you’d better think again! Otherwise I’m gonna have to head down there and I will rain down a Godly fucking firestorm upon you! You’re gonna have to call the fucking United Nations and get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. I’m talking about scorched earth, motherfucker! I will massacre you! I WILL FUCK YOU UP!”
Posts Tagged ‘politics’
You read right: I KNOW HOW TO END THE ENERGY CRISIS… FOREVER! I actually developed this plan in its more-or-less-ready-for-submission form while chatting with the little wife after a decent workout. It is a testament to the Mensa card in my wallet that such a feat was possible. (Note to self: pay Mensa dues for the year soon. Those guys go for the kneecaps!) To be fair, though… I HAVE been kicking this kind of thing around for a while; both out of genuine interest AND a sense of intellectual responsibility to the whole Presidential Ambition shtick. Here’s the EXSUM before I do the “Read the rest of this entry>>” thing: combining a genuine, possibly Socialized move towards not only intracity mass transit but national mass transit with a conversion of our national power grid to renewable sources (solar, wind, tidal, geothermal, hydroelectric, algae, etc.) will allow us to decrease our need for all the nonrenewable shit and switch existing production of such to export instead. The advent of electric-driven personal transportation means will go even further towards this goal, especially in the interregnum of intercity connectivity. And believe you me, NONE of this is particularly new thinking.