9 ) It failed at an attempt to start a Yo Mama joke game show

8 ) It started rumors about Paul Ruben exposing himself to children in a theater

7 ) It makes Micheal Jackson look like an othodox saint

6 ) it started a child slave ring with catholic priests

5 ) in school, it would beat up the younger kids and take their lunch money

4 ) it wanted me to call it hand banana and tried to rape me

3 ) dell tech support says, “at least we’re not apple”

2 ) gateway tech support says, “at least we’re not apple”

and the number one reason my macbook pro is so bad,

1 ) It’s been repaired more times in one year than my Xbox 360 has been in 3 and it still doesn’t work

Thank you. I’ll be here all week.

UPDATE THE SECOND: Tried turning it on this morning…. it’s completely dead now. Get the disc making it’s, “I’ve got power” noise but no screen or anything.

UPDATE: AAAAAAAND it’s dead AGAIN. Playing ffxi and the screen shut off. No sounds nothing. Dead. I force power off and it comes up to the Apple loading screens and goes out AGAIN. I left a message for the rep. I am really, really annoyed with this. This will be a 5th repair. This is “THE WORST SERVICE” I have ever had. Apple really appears to not know how to fix anything…

Or in my case, not so much that I love it(hence the quotes in the title), but that it’s a necessity. Once again, my macbook pro had to be sent in for repairs. Twice. Again. That puts me at 4 repairs on this one laptop in the span of a year. You’d think they’d just replace it by now, but apparently not.

You all remember last time, and again this time was a similar problem plus some. A bubble formed again a few inched from the last one and my dvd drive was starting to quit working from time to time after the laptop was on for awhile. So I called them and they were just as confused as last time about the bubble (rehearsed confusion? it can’t be they had never heard of it as he claimed as it was documented on the notes from last time I sent it in). I set the mac partition to auto boot so they can’t blame all this on me bootcamping into windows and it gets shipped out, a week later I get it back. They left a note with the ram pulled out of the machine telling me that the 4 gigs I installed were not rated for use in their laptops. Like they are super high and mighty and require ram that costs 200 dollars more than what I paid for these sticks and does the exact same thing. Regardless, I’m happy… until I turn it on.

There’s STILL something in the screen. This time it looked like a piece of stubble from shaving. I called again and was this time escalated to Apple Care (which they said I was getting a lot since you normally have to pay out the ass for Apple Care, aka the REAL tech support). He sounds like he’s quite familar with the bubble problem as he’s not surprised by it at all though he couldn’t believe the hair in my monitor, telling me there was no way it was possible to get something between the lcd and the protective screen. He even went so far as to have me take a picture of it for him so he could see for himself. So he finally says he’ll ship me a box and keep in contact with me to make sure I’m happy.

I use the laptop as normal while waiting for the box playing a game I’ve recently gotten back into (Final Fantasy XI). During one of the more intense battles, the screen just turns off, fans still running but no response from the system. The only way to get anything to happen was to force a shutdown by holding the power button. I thought maybe the screen saver came up since I play ffxi with a controller. So I boot it back up and start playing again. Within 5 minutes it does it again. By this point I’m pissed. This is an incredibly similar problem I had last time I sent it off when it came back, tho this time it didn’t kill the laptop entirely upon shutting down. I also notice on this reboot on black screens near the bottom there’s a blue area like the screen it being pressed against slightly.

The next day I call back and leave a message with the rep I talked to. He calls me back a day later, I explain to him the new problem and once again, he doesn’t sound surprised at all. He just mentions that the top part of the case may have been damaged and the screen not properly reconnect to the main board. He says they’ll replace the entire top half of the case and that it will be expedited. I get the box and ship it off.

Then begins the wait.

It takes a week this time for them to receive it. Shortly after receiving, it goes into waiting for parts. They knew what needed to be replaced… plus it took a week for it to get there. I found that a little annoying. But what I found more annoying was it took another week for them to get said part. I figured, well they probably don’t keep entire top case halves lying around.

An odd thing about apple returns is they send out the email that the product is being shipped back, but not until after the delivery was already attempted. And also state it was shipped the same day. I’m not entirely sure, but there’s no way that something shipped from Houston, TX and made it to Huntsville, AL by 11:30am. Anyway, I open the box and take the laptop out. I’m not hopeful after noticing that the top half of the case is the exact same. What did they have to wait on? I boot it up, screen seems normal. At least that was replaced. No blue tint at the bottom, Wooo! Put it through the ropes partaking in campaign battles in FFXI once again. No crash. Fans sound different. Louder. But they may have been replaced. Still gets warm when playing ffxi, but it doesn’t die.

I’m still annoyed with their service, especially since once again, I had to ship off the laptop twice to fixed the problem. And it was the SAME problem as last time. I do know however that I will not be purchasing a new laptop from apple again. I won’t be in the market for one for sometime. Hopefully by the time I am building one myself will be a feasible operation. My desktops have never had the problems I’ve had with this machine.

And now you know… the rest of the story.

What’s the difference between an Apple worshipper and a PC follower??

PC users admit their PC sucks, and when it dies, it’s dead–they get a new one.

Apple worshippers deny such occurrences and pray that when shipped back to Apple for some fixin’, it will return just like new.

What’s another difference between PC users and Mac users???

When breaking, PC users will try all they can to find out the problem and fix it.

When breaking, MAC users cry and send their MACs away to a MAC boarding school and hope they’ll behave once returned. (Of course, this can be reversed)

hahahaha, it’s similar to the first one, but it’s okAY! just poking fun .

What’s another difference between MACs and PCs?

When a PC breaks down and acts funny, the first thing everyone says is, “Stop downloading so much porn!”

MACs just scoff at PCs because like men, they think they have protection. (ooh, double slap)

What’s another difference between PCs and MACs?

PC users usually get a new PC by the end of their first year, not only because it sucks; but also, because it’s cheap.

MAC users have to wait at least 5 years because they don’t have the money to afford a new one and they are stuck with their crappy MAC.

Oh, btw, I use both MAC and PC. Although, I use PC more often, but I do use MAC. I’m just not an Apple worshipper nor a Sony worshipper, that is all .

Got any other cracks about PC? I’d like to hear them! I just can’t think of any right now..hmmm….:) Anyone have jingles about PCs??

From Feist – 1234

UPDATE: Now with 100% more less follow up apology post!

With the exception of names and a raging boner, this is a 100% true story. I just wanted to get that out of the way now. I didn’t want to preface my preface, as this is a long post already, but I really wanted to get this out there because it is a crime what apple is doing to their customers. And the worst part is half of them are so “Apple Happy” or just plain new to computers, they are completely oblivious and blind to what is going on. There is one must read section at the bottom I want everyone to read whether or not you read the entire story. It’s horrible and I want people to know what Apple is doing. Without further ado, here’s the rest of the story.

After much research and chatting with some friends of mine, last September I decided to purchase a MacBook Pro. I figured, Apple is supposed to use some high quality parts in their MacBook Pro line, plus I can run Vista (Yes Vista, I like it, Fuck you very much) with dx10 and even had the only laptop with a dx10 capable video card at the time. So I plunk down my (read: not mine) hard earned (read: given) 2500 bucks to purchase one. It comes in the mail. I’m as happy as a child receiving a video game on Christmas (capital C).

So, I love my new found freedom. I felt like bubble boy, having been giving a bubble suit to venture away from my bubble room for the first time. I could now compute anywhere, even on the can if I desired. I now had the ability to watch TV in my room (my house has only one cable outlet). I didn’t have to sit in my room while working anymore. I could go downstairs and enjoy my nice TV, I could do work on the train, I was free from my shackles I called a desk.

Then I noticed it. My laptop wasn’t sitting flat on the table. It was wobbling. I thought maybe there’s something underneath it. I checked. Nope. I took a closer look at my laptop. The bottom casing was warped right around the dvd drive. I thought, oh, well I’ll go down to the store and talk to them. I just got it two weeks ago, they should be able to replace it no problem.

I arrive at the Cambridge Side Apple store. I’d never been in an Apple store before. It felt…. creepy. People were enjoying themselves in a computer store, happily buying highly marked up products. The staff wasn’t 40 year old nothings. They were hip, trendy (cliché) people my age. They were designers, they were musicians, they were wana-bes. Everything about them screamed, look at me, I’m hip and trendy with my apple computer. You can be too!

I skulk my way to the back, passing the tutors, passing the cinema displays, passing the mac fanboy on the floor with a raging boner who just creamed himself and passed out after finally getting his hands on an iPhone. Ah the Mac Genius bar. They are geniuses, surely they could assist me. I walk up to this kid checking people in.

“Do you have an appointment?”

I think to myself, what am I in the doctor’s office? Then laugh thinking about my time as a computer repair tech and how much trouble doctors would get in if they repaired people while consuming alcohol.

“Umm, no I don’t,” I replied.

“Well, you’re in luck, things are slow tonight, we can have Colin (That was probably not his name as I have forgotten what it was, I just replaced it with some random “trendy” name apple employees are required to have) here assist you with your problem.”

“Thank you.”

Colin was a younger guy who was hiding his balding by shaving his head and growing out his beard. I never understood that. Hey look at me! I’m not bald; I just moved my hair to the jaw line region. Incidentally, Helen would have called him a pubic hair face. “Yo,” He greeted me.

“Howdy (I’m from the south. Sometimes I like to wear that on my sleeve)”

“How can I help you tonight?”

I proceed to explain to him the issue of my warped casing citing I’m worried since it’s around the dvd drive it might cause problems with dvd playback. Almost immediately, he cuts in.

“Well, I’ll have to charge you for that repair. I have no way of telling if it’s customer abuse or if it’s our fault. That kind of repair runs about 400 dollars because we have to replace the whole bottom case.”

“Don’t I have a warranty to cover this kind of thing?” I did.

“Like I said, it’s possible it’s customer abuse. I’m not saying you aren’t careful with your laptop,” Yes you are I thought, “but I can’t tell if you did this or not, so I can’t cover it. Would you like to check it in with us today?”

“Well, I can’t really afford that right now… and I don’t have another computer to use. Being a graphic designer, it’s kind of my life blood. I also don’t really have that kind of money right now” I had just lost my job at Harmonix.

“I understand. I can’t guarantee that price forever though. So you’ll want to bring it back soon.”

Whoa wait huh!? Red flag. Can’t guarantee the price forever? Where the fuck am I? A gas station? Did George Bush buy Apple? I nod in agreement, pack my things, and leave.

The next day I contact Apple phone support.

“How may I help you today?”

Wow these overseas Indian guys are mimicking the English language perfectly now! Oh wait, he’s American. “Yeah, I went to the Apple store last night. I recently purchased a MacBook Pro and the casing is warped. I just noticed it a few nights ago. I went to the store and they told me it would cost 400 dollars to repair.”

“That’s interesting. According to my notes you are under warranty. While it is up to the store to decide how much to charge,” Wait… run that by me again? Up to the store? “you are technically under warranty. I could send you a box and we could repair it for you through our repair service, free of charge.”

“That would be great, but this is my only computer currently, how long would it take?”

“Seven days.”

“Oh ouch… Well, I should have my desktop up and running again shortly. Can you please notate this conversation so when I call back, they will know it’s a known issue and take care of it like you have?”

“Sure that wouldn’t be a problem.”

So I am content right now. I still have a warped laptop, but I can’t do anything about it currently as I am looking for jobs and my desktop is on the fritz. Here’s where the story gets really interesting.

===============================

WARNING WARNING! BOSS APPROACHING! (Read: the really interesting part. the must read is further down)

===============================

So fast forward to two weeks ago. I come home from work for the Christmas holiday. I open my laptop. I start messing around. I notice there’s a big piece of dust on the screen, I wipe it off. I continue messing around. I notice it’s back. I wipe it again. Then I notice, wait, that’s not on the screen. What the hell is this? It’s under the screen. How the hell did that get in there? I call customer support…

“Hi, I have what appears to be a speck of dust on the inside of my screen.”

“I’m sorry to hear that sir, I can schedule with a Mac Genius at the store and we can get that taken care of.”

“Um, last time I went down there, they tried to charge me to repair my warped case, which is still under warranty I’d like to add.”

“I assure you they won’t do that sir. I’m putting notes in your account to attest to that and also noting for them to repair the case as I see notes in here on a previous conversation with us. You should be able to go down there and get your repairs done. If they have any problems, tell them to give us a call and we will explain the situation further to them.”

“Ok thank you.”

Back off to the store with me. This time equipped with backing from phone support. I arrive about 45 minutes early. This time they are a little busier, so I mosey on around the store for about 30 minutes, browsing the “already been out on pc for 10 months” aisle before they are ready to see me.

This time it’s a lanky man named Christopher. Again with the “hip” attitude. Can’t just be Chris? Why do you look like you recently went through an emo phase?

“What can I do for you today?”

“Hi, I just got off the phone with Apple tech. They sent me here to talk to you” I explained my problem to him.

“Oh that’s a bubble under your screen. I’m going to have to ask you to remove the stickers from your laptop. Do you mind if I take it into the back?”

“Um, sure why not.”

This is where I wait for about 20 minutes for him to do whatever it is they do to macs “in the back.” I imagine him doing the hardware “from behind” because everyone knows how in love mac users are with their macs. If you don’t believe, don’t take my word for it, take his.

He comes back up front. “Well there are a couple of things I’d like to point out to you. There is a dent on the corner of the back of the LCD casing, and a ding on your ram panel.” I was 100% sure those were not there when I came in. I’m a technophile and I take EXTREMELY good care of my tech. “It shouldn’t be a problem, but I just have to note them.”

“Oh, ok.”

“Usually a repair on the LCD is 700 or 800 hundred dollars,” good god fuck me shit mother fucker, “and another 200 for the case repair plus labor,” 200? The last guy told me 400… something is fishy here, “but since it’s under warranty, I’ll give you a deal and do them both for 180 dollar and no labor fee.”

DINGDINGDINGDINGWAAAAAHHHHOOOOOOO RED FLAG CENTRAL. Give me a deal? GIVE ME A DEAL!? It’s under warranty. What kind of shit is he trying to pull? Give me a deal? Are you a used car salesman? When I worked in retail, I worked in retail in America. I’m sorry, but we can’t work out deals on the company dime for corporate America. Shit is priced at what it’s priced, or it comes out my paycheck.

“I just got off the phone with customer service and they said it would be free, and that if you had a problem with that to call them.”

“I don’t see those notes here, and I won’t call them because they will just give me the same answer I gave you.”

I told him I would return at another time to get the repairs done.

The next night I promptly call back phone support.

“Hi, thank you for calling Apple Tech support, how may I help you.”

A girl? Interesting. “Yes, I’m calling about my MacBook-” I describe my issue and the problem I had the previous night at the store.

“That’s awful. Let me review the notes real quick, may I put you on hold?”

“Sure”

She comes back ten minutes later, “Well since you said you spoke with customer service, I’m going to have to transfer you to our customer care line.”

“Um, are you not customer service? This is the same number I called the other night.”

“No we’re tech support.” Same god damned thing.

“Well, I’m sorry, I miss spoke. I thought it was the same thing. I spoke with tech support.”

“Oh well I can I put you back on hold?” Another 5 minutes pass before she comes back. “Thank you for holding.”

“Can I ask you something? Why did I buy an Apple product? Why did I spend 2500 dollars on an Apple product only to be treated like some Dell or Gateway customer?”

“I’m sorry for your trouble sir, I’m transferring you to tier 2 service, but the wait time is about 2 hours, do you want to wait?”

“I have a 2500 dollar laptop that is new, warped and has a bad LCD, yeah; I got all day to wait.”

I wait maybe 10 minutes before tier 2 comes on the line. The warning must have been a ploy to get me to give up. “Welcome to tier 2 may I help you?” Again I explain the situation. “Ok we’re going to send you out a box overnight. Put your computer in the box and drop it off at a DHL location, it will have a return label on it. Give me a minute to go over the notes.” He too disappears for 15 minutes. I’m talking to Chad online at this point giving him the blow by blow (read: not a sexual reference). He’s wondering why, if they are sending me a box, does he need to disappear for so long to read notes? He comes back, explains the box thing to me again and sends me off. I’m frustrated, but content at this point.

Box comes in. Laptop goes out. Five days later, a day before the New Year, the laptop returns. I once again excitedly open it up and check it out. Most of the case is still the same. They couldn’t be bothered to replace the dinged ram panel and the keyboard panel, but they did replace the rest of the bottom case. I boot up. Whoa ho ho, brand new, no bubble LCD screen.

I boot up World of Warcrack (thanks Tomy and Phil for getting me back into that game…Assholes…) and play for a while. I would like to note here, that the laptop is sitting on my desk with nothing obstructing the vent. After about two hours, the laptop abruptly shuts off.

“Umm… what the fuck”

Then I notice a sulfur smell. The smell of fried electronics and it’s strong.

“Holy fuck balls…”

The laptop won’t turn on, the light on the charger is gone, the laptop is a paper weight… Two hours after the laptop is returned to me, it fries itself. I give up and go to bed. The next morning I try to turn it on… won’t power up. I try a few more times 5 minutes later, it turns on, but the sulfur smell immediately returns. I call the phone lines, blah blah closed for New Years. I call the store, they are open! They schedule me for a 3:20 appointment at the Genius Bar.

I show up an hour early. Mistake. The kid in the back says they are swamped but he will check me in. I decide I can’t spend an hour in there and start wondering around the mall. I have a sit at the bench and people watch. Boston has a lot of white people who adopt Asian children. Nothing wrong with that, just something I noticed. Also, I might be the only guy in the world that thinks winter clothes on women are cute.

I go back into the store 20 minutes before my “appointment” and wait. 3:20 rolls around and it’s still not my turn. I talk to the girl checking people in, “Do you know when my turn is coming up?”

“Can I get your name?”

“Gerry”

“Hmm you aren’t checked in,” I can’t get a break… “but lemme do that for you real quick. There are three people in front of you so just hang out and we’ll get to you shortly.”

40 minutes later my name is called.

I won’t bore you with another long conversation. I will say, this was an older gentleman and he was very sympathetic to my issue and was very nice about everything and was the best out of everyone I talked to. He took my laptop, checks it in to be shipped out, apologized, said I should have my computer back in a week, and sent me on my way. I left happy with that experience. I was not happy with the others.

=======================

THIS IS THE PART EVERYONE NEEDS TO READ!

=======================

On my way home, I get a return call from a friend of mine who works at an apple store. He said he did some talking to the geniuses at his store and found out that my problems (the warp and the bubble) were known faults with the hardware… but Apple wasn’t admitting them to the public. They were trying to nickel and dime customers for repairs citing abuse as the cause. This is WRONG! I understand you are a business, and it is a business of making money, but own up to your fucking mistakes. Don’t fuck over your customers because you don’t want to pay for the faulty hardware you produced.

With the exception of the last genius I met with in store this entire experience has left an EXTREMELY sour taste in my mouth. As it stands, I will no longer be dealing with Apple or purchasing anymore of their products, which is a shame because I was very interested in the iPhone. What they are doing is CUSTOMER ABUSE. It’s the old bait and switch, selling you a broken product and charging you to repair it. I really hope this happens upon an Apple employee. I apologize to you for the harsh language and rude criticism of your consumers. It’s in good fun and for the entertainment of my readers. What is not in fun is this story is completely true as is the paragraph above and it is wrong. Fess up. Apologize to me and your other customers. It’s the least you owe us. At least Microsoft was behind their product enough to admit there were issues with the Xbox 360 and extended all warranties to 3 years. THAT is customer service. So, the ball is in your court Apple. How will you respond?

I would like to invite everyone to post their own experiences about this in the comment section.