Wasabisoft

Just received notification that Gamefly (home of relative AWESOME) has mailed me the PS3 version of Fallout: New Vegas. It is bloody flaming RARE that a brand new release makes its way to me through Gamefly’s non-euclidean queue processes, let alone one I SO want to play, so I am now moderately open to the existence of some kind of benign force in the world. I shall write a mini-review as my obsession allows.

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I am not making up any of this in any way. Prepare to be amazed… or find me even stranger than usual.  Either way, it’ll be funny.

I was listening to and singing along with Richard Cheese’s first CD on my way home from work this evening.  Richard Cheese, if you don’t know, performs lounge-style covers of popular songs that are in no way even CLOSE to the lounge genre.  It’s really, really good stuff, mellow, dirty and uplifting all at the same time.  I was halfway through Buddy Holly as I exited my car and entered my apartment; I finished it upon getting inside, cracked open a beer, and then proceeded to deliver the following monologue totally ad-libbed out loud in my apartment in (what I felt was) a nearly pitch- and pacing-perfect Garrison Keillor voice.  It felt like a natural extension of the pitch of Buddy Holly, so I went with it, and it turned out pretty decent, though the timing is definitely from his older-school, more deliberate pace, the one with which I grew up.  I will admit some Eddie Izzard started to creep in around paragraph four, but I got it out by the end.  Who cares, I’ve got beer.

Here’s as much as I can remember; punctuation denotes vocal timing as opposed to grammatical correctness.  Try reading this aloud in your OWN Garrison Keillor voice, you’ll see what I mean.  And if you’re really, really lucky I’ll find a way to post an actual audio version of this soon.

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…And the title of the post pretty much says it all.  That fact that “Wasabisoft – Sean Coincon Has An Eleven Inch Penis?“  is the first entry could potentially cast a misleading light is unavoidable at this point, but I am consoled by the fact that actually reading the post serves to rearrange the set lighting to something a bit more photographic.  Besides, what better way to illustrate my love of satire?  Anyways.

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…and a shiny penny to whoever makes THAT connection. Anyways.

So in an extremely vague effort to connect to people randomly WITHOUT having to wade through a sea of cocks, I’ve got an account on Formspring.  Feel free to ask me what the fuck ever crosses your mind; the format literally GUARANTEES I won’t be as long-winded as usual.  It’s a celebration, bitches.  Enjoy yourself.

So… for those of you who are not yet aware, here’s a summary: I managed to land a job in Hawaii, I moved here roughly three weeks ago and have been unnecessarily busy getting temporary logistics and job-related rigmarole worked out… and that’s where I am/have been.  Sarah will be moving here in late July or so, once she finishes college and the cats’ quarantine window opens.  Hawaii doesn’t play.

As such, I’ve been way too distracted to be angry at or insightful about anything; so here’s a long-winded and vaguely poignant treatise I wrote a few weeks ago to help out Sarah on something she was doing for school.  Her resulting paper was excellent, but I fear it may have fallen upon deaf ears; ironically, students in Communications classes seem to be those individuals who are least interested in hearing the ideas of others.  And they chew their gum with their mouths open, belying an intelligence not dissimilar from many other ruminant mammals.  Please note for the record that this was an excellent opportunity to use the meme “sheeple” and I exhibited remarkable restraint for a writer/satirist/philosopher of my modest caliber.  I hope this can somehow begin to make up for my incredibly tasteless use of the “Sally and Mindy Super-Hottie” metaphor back in the day.  Enjoy!

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