As per a special request from The Chad, it is now Fairytale Time™.
Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there was a boy named Xygzyz’tkt. He was constantly mocked for his name. I mean look at that. That shit’s completely unpronounceable. There’s not even a damn vowel unless you wanna count Y and, honestly, who does. What the flying Voltron Jesus is this. Yes, Voltron Jesus. He is composed of mecha-lion Abraham, Joseph, Moses, and John the Baptist, with King David as the head. He’s so awesome. Absolves you of your sins, and then slices a Robeast in half with His sword.
Well, little captain unpronounceable went through his childhood under the cursed aegis of his name. He was unable to attend school since he was always marked absent by teachers who could not pronounce Xygzyz’tkt, and therefore dispensed with even attempting to determine his presence. He took up a career in scrubbing the grout between tiles on bathroom floors to make enough money to get by. He lived a mostly uninteresting life. His most entertaining story consisted of him once receiving an extra farthing’s worth of change at his local Ye Olde Generale Store-e. He died of name cancer in his bed at the age of 47, and his body was burned by the local community to keep the “name taint” from spreading.
Moral of the story? Don’t name your kid something bizarre and unpronounceable. Please. Even crazy spellings of normal names are out. It’s Mary, not Mayree, or Maari, or any other thing like that. All you’re doing is ensuring your kid gets mocked, and that nobody is ever able to spell their name right for the rest of their life, unless they get fed up and legally change it to the normal spelling.
–P
