Ah, the strategically placed question mark. In grammatical actuality, a question mark converts a sentence (such as the one in the title of this article) from a simple statement of fact to more of an incredulous query. In this case, the sentence is not INTENDED to claim that I have a nearly footlong cock, but rather introduces the possibility of such a thing and acts as a prelude to investigation of the veracity of the sentence. If you are a more or less completely unknown blogger such as myself, there’s really very little chance that people will pass over the punctuation and make the jump directly to full-scale BELIEF in what the sentence tenuously claims. HOWEVER: if the title sentence were to appear as the caption for a report on a highly respected cable news outlet, such as, just for example purposes here… Fox News, then the less discriminating of their viewers might well think to themselves “Oh, wow, Sean Coincon has an eleven inch penis, and here comes some non-ambiguous reporting to further verify the factoid I’ve ALREADY completely assimilated into my memories and subsequent worldview!”
I bring this up only because I (and perhaps some of you) have noticed the Fox News tendency to make slightly exaggerated assertations of a distinctly right-wing bent (such as “Barack Obama Plans To Poison Your Local Water Hole?”) which seem to fly directly in the face of the “Fair and Balanced” slogan they scream at you over and over until your ears start to bleed and you sign a witnessed affadavit saying you believe them. The really, really clever thing about the question mark is that it allows them to says such things (“Democrats Can’t Achieve Orgasm Unless They Bite The Head Off A Puppy?”), have the statement enter their audience’s heads as a DECLARATIVE, and yet STILL remain a respected and legitimate news organization because they didn’t ACTUALLY SAAAAAAAAAY what the caption said… look, see the question mark? Never mind whether or not we left the issue way, WAY open to interpretation by our watchers.
Ok, look, this is gonna be an uncharacteristically short one for me because there really isn’t much more to be said on this issue… aside from the fact that Fox News is run by a blatantly zealotous cockmongrel and everyone who works for him is either:
1) at least semi-conservative, but also aware of just how how far they’ve prostituted their journalistic integrity (I’m looking at you, too, Alan Colmes);
2) mostly conservative, and plenty happy to be told what to believe for an impressive salary (so, whores who ENJOY their work);
or 3) a hyperconservative asshole who actually BELIEVES the shit they report with religious fervor.
Plus it’s like 3 AM and I’m tired. But the point is this: Fox News regularly causes my blood pressure to go up by an average of 40 points. This is due more to the MANNER in which they present stories that are obvious propaganda, and less to the propaganda itself… though sometimes the immediately apparent falsity of that shit gets to me, too. Their startling disinterest in truth in favor of dogma distresses me NOT ONLY because they deliver made-up shit as if it were both true AND vitally important, but ALSO because they are STILL considered a real news outlet. This whole question-mark-caption thing is just the most insulting tactic of theirs that came to mind. Anyways. I’m done. Go watch Fox News for yourself and you’ll see what I’m talking about… just keep some asprin handy.
Oh, and DOES Sean Coincon Have An Eleven Inch Penis? There’s only one way to find out, ladies! I beez an Equal Opportunity Sexifier since 1983! We Stand By Our Work! Pillar Of The Community! You Can’t Beat Our Meat! Available For Bachelorette Parties And Threesomes! Free samples!