Archive for November 22nd, 2007
3 items.
Today I present for your consideration: Black Friday. First of all, why that name? I understand we don’t really have a national “Sorry For Fucking You Over, Black People Day”, but I don’t think “Black Friday” quite suffices, so that can’t be it. Come to think of it, Thanksgiving really doesn’t say “Sorry For Fucking You Over, Native American People” either, so maybe I’m seeing a connection where there is none.
Perhaps a more appropriate day name would be “Manifest Destiny Day”, but we Americans are extremely adept at couching potentially unpopular topics in devastatingly misleading language (see: The Patriot Act). It is highly amusing to me that we make an entire national holiday out of the fact that we had ONE nice meal with these guys before we flogged them to near extinction with rolled up smallpox blankets. You don’t see “National Cameraderie Day” celebrating the roughly 10 minute gap between meeting Africans for the first time and slapping them in leg irons during which we WEREN’T actually slapping them in leg irons.
But I digress. This post is about Black Friday, that magical day immediately following Thanksgiving when all the malls have ridiculous sales to kick off the Christmas season. What better way to say “Now that we’ve gotten THAT bullshit out of the way, time to start BUYING SHIT!” We, as Americans, need EVERY SECOND POSSIBLE to celebrate our capitalist souls. Our primary method of celebration is by purchasing stupid shit for people that don’t need it in the hopes of receiving, in return, other stupid shit that we not only don’t need but don’t even want. But we don’t say that, we bare our teeth and grin out something like “Oh, wow, a nutcracker shaped like Hillary Clinton’s thighs! I’m allergic to nuts, but it’s ok, because this thing will STILL be humorous and heartwarming even after the elections are over! What a considerate friend you are!” That drivel is even EASIER to say if the gift YOU got THEM is even worse than the gift THEY got YOU! Santa Claus would be rolling in his grave if he wasn’t laughing so hard over having stolen the holiday from Jesus. The joke’s on him, though: Jesus stole it from the winter solstice! Fuck you, pagans!
You may have noticed I’m not a big holiday person, especially when it comes to the quasireligious ones. As Dorfl the golem once said, “Either all days are holy, or none are.” In regards to Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Eve, St. Patrick’s Day, Presidents’ Day, and to a lesser extent, Cinco de Mayo, I really don’t think Americans need any more excuse to indulge their buying habit. I think the fact that stores are usually open seven days a week is evidence enough to suggest that we celebrate Capitalism EVERY damn day and the other holidays are just frivolous. The sooner these domesticated fucking sheeple wake up to the fact that our entire society revolves around the nearest shopping mall, the better off we’ll all be. And Happy Holidays!
Omnium Bonum Est
Comment
Happy Gobble day everyone!!!!!!! If you’re like me and don’t eat turkey or fowl on turkey day, eat plenty of food!!! Whatever you decide to eat (Vietnamese food here or possibly turkey if I go to my friend’s), just make sure you enjoy it, even if it is fast food. Don’t worry, I’ve been there. One time I had In-N-Out on Thanksgiving and another year I had McDonald’s on Christmas.
How tasty is that? Fast food on a day everyone has crazy grubbing. Why did we have fast food? I think pure laziness. As an Asian (Asian American? naah I’m from California, too lazy for that. Asian it is), my family at least has never really celebrated this ‘Western’ holiday. I say Western because Canadians have Thanksgiving, too. We tried it once, it was cool, except we don’t eat much and dooood!! Western food is filling!! It’s almost like Soul Food. I think we don’t like the endless days of leftover food. And plus, when I was younger, I didn’t want my mom to spend all day in the kitchen just to make us food; especially when most of her Asian dishes would only take a couple of hours (prep+cook).
WARNING: Below contains Non-PC words. It is not used in a derogatory way, it’s just how it’s used in most languages anyways. If you are faint of heart, then do not read any further. I’ve warned you. If you get offended, it is by your own doing and don’t blame me. Also, if you get offended, GET OVER IT. Jk, it’s not so bad, I think.
Thank you to the Natives for inviting the white people to eat your food and live on your land peacefully. Without your kind gesture, I wouldn’t know the thrill of occasional gambling. (Readers, please gamble wisely.)
Thank you to the white for mistaking their kindness as ‘weakness’ and creating America. Without you arrogant son of a guns, I wouldn’t be here.
Thank you to the blacks for the decades of slavery. Without you, America would have been only the East Coast and I would’ve been Asian-Mexican.
Thank you to the Mexicans for your years of hard work and cheap labor. Without you, I wouldn’t be enjoying my delicious sushi, pho, noodles, tacos and many more every day.
Thank you to my fellow Asians (regardless of which country) and your intelligence. Without you, stem cell research would be 50 years behind and I would be stuck with American-sized products–large and bulky, just like how we like our food servings.
Thank you to the Middle Easterners (defined as any country between Europe and India). Without you, we wouldn’t have our pricey crude oil and television shows or movies. Your intelligence is underestimated–you know we would surrender our money to you no matter what the cost.
And thank you to the Wasabisoft readers, without you, I’d be blogging to no one.
Have a safe, fun, and filling Thanksgiving!!!!!!
I salute you all.
From all of us at Wasabisoft to all of you and your loved one, we’d like to wish everyone a happy and safe Thanksgiving and hope everyone has something to be thankful for on this day. Now go murder a turkey.